The Big Five Ohhhhhh.

I’ve been thinking about this birthday a little.

The big Five O.

When I think about it too long, my mind, of course, wanders to the 5’s.

15

25

35

45…

Not my favorite numbers.

But this 5 doesn’t yet have its twin.

There it sits, all alone on the backside of Zero.

Not zero is in a void or nothingness – but rather zero as in nothing.

The kind of nothing that holds hope, tho – not the nothingness of despair.

Nothing for certain.

Nothing’s been written.

Nothing fractured yet about this decade.

Nothing decided…

except for the Big Love that has carried me through every decade of my life so far.

And it is this Love that compels me to turn toward this decade with anticipation…

no matter what it holds.

Knowing life like I do, I believe it will offer its share of heartache and celebration this decade.

Crammed into every moment there will be victories to applaud and loses that require a deep sadness.

Required because the cheering & the grieving are necessary,

so that every moment can settle in and do its good work in my heart and in my life…

even when it might be the absolute last path I would ever chose to walk.

I’m more than grateful today.

To be celebrating another year.

And there’s now brow-wiping here.

No feeling of “whew, I made it”.

Rather, I’m grateful today for all the moments my story could have turned left and for reasons He only knows – God decided to hold me on the path of Life He has chosen for me.

And so, my gratitude is rooted in the Grace I see as the gift of my life.

One breath in, one breath out.

For the next 365 days.

A gift.

And so, that’s my prayer for this year, for this decade of 50.

That I would live my life as an offering of generosity of LIFE & LOVE.

And somehow, some way, God will step in and do His thing, and miraculously…

when the celebrating and the grieving reveal themselves, I will be present & accounted for.

No more, no less…

and that will be plenty.

 

 

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